|photo by Simon Howden|
I know what you're going to say- it doesn't make any sense, but it does. Because ...'
It may not make much sense, but do you recognise the pattern? The doom and gloom, the victim and the bottle-half-empty?
I've had a friend like that once. At that time I thought the world was not fair to her - she'd had a really terrible childhood and in her adult life she struggled to find friends. We were both students, working as volunteers with young people. I was young, optimistic, full of energy and positive feelings for the world.
It didn't last long though - neither the positive feelings for the world not the friendship. She sucked my optimism and faith in good will out of me. The more I tried to prove the world was a nice place, full of good people, the more she was trying to prove me wrong.
I went back home drained of energy and hope... And only when I left her overwhelming gloomy presence I was able to see it was her influence.
The Gloomy Loser loses out on joy, happiness and life - everything what is positive. What does she/he gain? The 1st Prize in The Most Miserable Person in the World.
I'm not joking. Many of GL actually do enjoy (if I use this word) and are pride of the doom and gloom.
What are the signs of a Gloomy Loser?
Apart from doom and gloom, it's masochism, sabotage and self-sabotage, pessimism, scepticism, worry, anxiety, apathy, hypersensitivity, self-destruction. They are unhappy and blame their childhood, life, weather, other people for that. They drain your energy, trash your advice (their favourite games are 'Why don't you - yes, but...' and 'Kick me'), suck the life out of you like out of you like Dementors.
What may attract you to them?Your own good heart, good will to help people and maybe even your urge to be a rescuer... Perhaps, like me, you think you may be able to share your energy, luck, optimism with someone less fortunate.
When faced with a Gloomy Looser don't do it. Their glass will always be half-empty.
Why are they toxic?Not only they suck life out of you, but also hope. Their doom, gloom and bad luck spread onto other people. If you're not careful, you may find yourself in my position - losing your faith in good people, feeling hard done-by, and believing that whatever you do will never make any difference.
Hopeless, isn't it?
When should your alarm bells ring?When after talking to them you feel exhausted, negative, hopeless or even depressed.
What are your ways of dealing with Gloomy Losers?